Category Archives: Confidence

Sunday Run Day

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I hope everyone is enjoying the weekend. So far, mine has been filled with writing, studying, visiting Brooklyn (naturally), watching NINE episodes of The Following, and a long run with friends.

Does anyone watch The Following? I was hesitant to check it out as I’m a scared-y cat. After watching the pilot episode, I literally peeked behind the shower curtain while brushing my teeth before bed. Also, I will only sleep facing the stairwell to my loft so I can keep an eye out for any intruders. Honestly, I probably shouldn’t watch shows that get under my skin. I should stick to Hart of Dixie. Sadly, Hart of Dixie is on hiatus until April 9th. Back to my original point, I’m a fan of Kevin Bacon. I fell in love with his character while watching this show. James Purefoy, who portrays a serial killer, is quite charming and alluring. This makes it all the more freakish and alarming. They’ve put together quite the ensemble cast.

This morning I ran 9 miles with my friends in Central Park in preparation for an upcoming half-marathon on April 14th. We felt strong throughout and time flew by, as usual, since we were chatting away and catching up during most of the run.

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My friend Irene kindly provided us with Clif SHOT Bloks. I enjoyed the taste as I felt like I was eating gummy bears. It gave me just the energy boost I needed to push through to the end. I’ll be using these again on race day. I like the fact that they are mostly organic and contain ingredients I can recognize.

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I always feel fantastic after a long run. It’s such a sense of accomplishment and I enjoy feeling spent, tired and sweaty. I know I’ve done something great for myself for the day. Long distance running makes me happy.

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Here are some of my favorite songs I like to zone out to while running the distance, when I’m on my own and not with friends:

Katy Perry – Wide Awake (This reminds me of a recent girls weekend where a bunch of us were getting ready to go out on the town.)

Alicia Keys – Try Sleeping With a Broken Heart (This reminds of a coffee shop in Williamsburg, Brooklyn I currently frequent for study sessions with a friend. I discovered this song while there one morning.)

Rihanna – Umbrella

David Bowie & Queen – Under Pressure

M83 – Midnight City

Run-DMC – Walk This Way (This reminds me of a race in Central Park a few years ago where I ran an 8:09 pace, one of my fastest paces ever.)

Wotlie – Then You’ll Know (This reminds me of last summer on July 4th when I realized I’m completely in love with yoga.)

Imagine Dragons – It’s Time (The minute this song comes on, excitement and joy overtake me. It’s just one of those songs.)

The Lumineers – Ho Hey (This reminds me of the fun-loving show Hart of Dixie.)

Mumford & Sons – I Will Wait (This song breaks my heart every time.)

Semisonic – Closing Time (This reminds me of the movie Friends With Benefits.)

Coldplay – Every Teardrop Is a Waterfall (This reminds me of last summer. It was magical.)

What are some of your favorite running songs? I’m always looking to create new playlists.

Quote of the Day:

This is a good one to remember. I just came across this while reading a good post from The Better Man Project. I used to always think it was a statement about me. Since I’ve built my confidence level, I’m much better about not taking things personally anymore. We can only control ourselves and our actions, not those of others.

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I AM

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Brooklyn study session

Happy glorious sunshine Saturday. Well, this is how it feels in New York today. I started my day off by sitting in a cafe, Toby’s Estate, in Williamsburg with a friend. We both recently had distinct, aha! moments about our goals in the near future. It was nice to have a study session outside of my apartment. I vow to do this more often.

Since I last posted, I’m still going strong with my 30 Day Yoga Challenge. Today is day number 10. Later tonight I’m trying hatha yoga for the first time.

Traditional hatha yoga is a holistic yogic path, including disciplines, postures (asana), purification procedures (shatkriya), gestures (mudra), breathing (pranayama), and meditation. The hatha yoga predominantly practiced in the West consists of mostly asanas understood as physical exercises. It is also recognized as a stress-reducing practice.

During this challenge so far, I’ve noticed that practicing yoga on a daily basis keeps my digestive system on track more than usual. My posture is much better; I don’t catch myself slouching too often. I have been making an active effort to clear my mind of the clutter taking up space. I feel lighter and an overall sense of calm. My body has felt tired and sore on occasion, as it isn’t used to this type of practice every day without a break. I don’t always go for a 60 or 90 minute practice. There are days I’ve opted for 20 minutes thanks to Yoga Download. I’ve tried their Detox Yoga classes which I’ve enjoyed as they are heavy on twisting, which helps to release toxins from the body. Best of all the classes I’ve downloaded so far have been free of charge. Great deal, agreed?

During one of the classes I attended at Equinox, the instructor asked us to dedicate our practice to something we wanted to feel and believe in for ourselves. We were to complete the sentence “I am…” I decided on “I am confident.” We continued to repeat this mantra to ourselves throughout the class. I chose the word confident as confidence is something I’m consistently working on building for myself. I’m much better than I was a year ago and want to continue on this path.

More often than not, I’m learning to make decisions based solely on what is best for me. I’m “setting free”what others may think of me. I’ve noticed I give others too much control over my life without them even knowing it. I cannot worry about pleasing everyone; nor do I want to please everyone anymore. It’s as if I wouldn’t trust my own true feelings on something. That is a startling revelation if you think about it.

Upon leaving my study session earlier, I stopped by Urban Rustic. I used to come here for a veggie burrito (one of the best) and kombucha in the summertime before heading over to picnic in McCarren Park. I miss those moments, especially today since I was in the neighborhood.

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I wasn’t feeling a burrito today as I was not that hungry, but a fresh juice caught my attention. I opted for the Saranac which consisted of celery, spinach, kale, carrot, and apple. It seemed reasonable to me, only $5.50.

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Rest assured I will be headed back for a burrito at some point this month. I highly recommend them.

I, of course, heard a song I fell in love with while in the coffee shop earlier. I must have heard this Alicia Keys tune in the past, Try Sleeping With a Broken Heart. And, no, I don’t currently have a broken heart. I just genuinely like the song. (I’m pretty sure we can all agree that sleeping with a broken heart is a beast. I don’t recommend it.) I’m going to add this to my running playlist.

Quote of the day:

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Give Yourself Some Credit

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Baker’s kitchen

“I can’t believe I feel uncomfortable. How can I keep up with this pace? Why am I struggling? I used to be so much faster than this. Now I feel like a fat girl running. No wonder he left me. He was probably disappointed in me as I’m not fast or skinny anymore. He’s probably so much happier with his skinny runner girlfriend. I’m worthless. I’m a disappointment.”

This atrocious inner dialogue happened to be yours truly talking to myself this past Tuesday evening during group running class. I was being extremely hard on myself and it all down-spiraled from there. One thing lead to another and suddenly I was blaming my life on break-ups. I don’t handle rejection well, can you tell?

At any rate, the workout for this particular evening was mile intervals. What you wouldn’t know from listening to my above rant, is since I began my running class 11 weeks ago, I’ve been steadily improving my pace. I was running each of my three-mile intervals between an 8:00 and 8:20 minute pace. This is a far cry from my fitness level a few months back. I was running with the advanced intermediate group, stepping up from the intermediate group. I finished each interval in the middle toward the back of the pack, but I was giving it my all. I was committing myself 100% to becoming a faster runner. And for that, I should be proud.

For the good of all mankind I need to learn to be nice to myself and celebrate all of my accomplishments, rather than looking with disillusion at what I think makes me a failure. This could apply to many people at various times.

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On the flip side, I will say that my confidence levels have improved dramatically over the past six months. But, I wanted to share moments such as these that occur to show that sometimes in life even when you are feeling fantastic and moving forward, there is the chance that some down moments will sneak up in between. This isn’t anything we don’t already know, but hearing about specific experiences can bring about new perspective. Three steps forward, one minor step back.

I snapped out of it and noticed how I was berating myself pretty quickly that evening. I immediately turned my frown upside down with the help of a friend. Honestly, I question how my friends can handle me at times, but they do and I love them for it.

Setting negative feelings free makes you feel instantly lighter. It leaves room for positive components within your life to shine through.

Quote of the day:

The moral for today is I’m letting go of all the negative, untrue chatter about myself. I’m good enough as I am here and now. It’s that simple.

Have a great weekend!

Love and Attachment

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Scrambled egg wrap cooked in a dash of truffle oil and sprinkling of parmesan cheese. 

“There are two basic motivating forces: fear and love. When we are afraid, we pull back from life. When we are in love, we open to all that life has to offer with passion, excitement, and acceptance. We need to learn to love ourselves first, in all our glory and our imperfections. If we cannot love ourselves, we cannot fully open our ability to love others or our potential to create. Evolution and all hopes for a better world rest in the fearlessness and open-hearted vision of people who embrace life.”  - John Lennon

I love this quote. After reading it I realized how it does make perfect sense. I related it to my own life. Think about it. When you’re in love, it’s as if you are invincible and can conquer the world. There is nothing that can get in your way. Hesitation doesn’t exist. You do whatever it is you want to do in life. You aren’t afraid of limitations. It’s a powerful thing to be in love with yourself first and foremost. I’m speaking from my own experience, but I’m pretty sure most will agree. On the flip side, when I’m feeling down on myself or feeling unhappy, I’m fearful. I think things through a million times before actually moving forward. I feel like I’m in a state of constant confusion.

I am now realizing that I’ve been learning to love myself more over the past five months and I’m bringing my love for myself to the forefront. I think I lost sight of that aspect and started on a journey to find it without even fully realizing. I’m feeling good about myself and who I am as a person. I would say yoga is the biggest factor in transforming my mindset. It brings me peace of mind and I also feel most confident while on my yoga mat. I look forward to my continued practice. My health coaching course is another element which is moving me to grow as an individual. I’m observing habits and learning about myself and how I operate. It’s been a journey of figuring out what works best for me and my life.

I’ve noticed that by surrounding myself with good, good things have been coming my way. I received wonderful news at work this past week. I feel incredibly grateful for this stage in my life I’ve created for myself.

Nothing is perfect and I still battle with quieting the negative voice from within that can arise from time to time. I am learning to accept that voice, but not fall weak to what it has to say. Most of it is built-in fear and fear isn’t real.

I was reading a post on Purpose Fairy earlier this week and this point of interest really touched me and made me look inward:

GIVE UP ATTACHMENT – This is a concept that, for most of us is so hard to grasp and I have to tell you that it was for me too, (it still is) but it’s not something impossible. You get better and better at with time and practice. The moment you detach yourself from all things, (and that doesn’t mean you give up your love for them – because love and attachment have nothing to do with one another,  attachment comes from a place of fear, while love… well, real love is pure, kind, and self less, where there is love there can’t be fear, and because of that, attachment and love cannot coexist) you become so peaceful, so tolerant, so kind, and so serene. You will get to a place where you will be able to understand all things without even trying. A state beyond words.

Maybe this will happen for me in the future. To know that I can still have all of that love, but I can let go of the attachment. I’m not quite there yet. If you’ve read my blog before, you are probably aware of the fact I’m still struggling to fully let go of my past relationship.  I wasn’t the one who wanted it to end.

In other news, we are deep in the trenches of summer. It’s in full swing folks. I have to say that I’m enjoying my summer to the fullest. There have been times in the past where I’ve set intentions for activities I wanted to pursue, but never got around to doing so. This summer it’s all happening. I’ve gone to the beach more than a few times already, and I’ve had numerous picnics in the park with friends. Those are usually my summer staples. I’m still plugging away at my summer bucket list. I hope you’re all enjoy your summer thus far.

This Saturday I’m running my first race since January. It’s a 4-miler in Central Park and I’m excited! A few of my friends are running and a group will meet for breakfast afterwards. Sounds like a perfect morning to me.

Fat Talk Not Allowed

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I’ve spoken before about the fact that we have no control over anyone or anything else, other than ourselves and our own actions. I would say I’ve been consistent in living my life by what feels right to me. I decided I needed to be surrounded only by people who make me feel good about myself, and that is exactly what I do now. I needed a place to feel strong and balanced, so I practice yoga on a more regular basis. Writing comes naturally to me, so I created this blog as a place to express myself and discover things, while hoping to provide insight to others along the way. I wanted to become more knowledgeable about holistic health, so I’ve enrolled in a one-year program.

There are many facets of life I don’t have figured out and that’s ok. Honestly, when will any of us have it entirely figured out. Sometimes it’s more about the journey, rather than finding solutions or finality each time.

Last night, while lying in bed, I noticed myself “fat-talking” in my inner dialogue. I literally got out of bed and turned on the light to gain perspective. I was suggesting to myself that the reason I’m not dating anyone and the reason my ex-boyfriend left me is probably because I’m not skinny. After all, I hear his current girlfriend is tiny. Men don’t like women who are overweight. If I lost twenty pounds, I would feel better. I would get asked out on dates. Maybe my ex-boyfriend wouldn’t have left me. WHAT. Who am I? This was an inexcusable thought process. I was going down that dark path of self-destruction and thankfully I stopped myself in my tracks. This wasn’t the first time.

This blog is about finding courage and confidence. It’s not about destroying me as a person and treating myself unkindly along the way. Am I overweight? No. I’m a healthy woman. I’m athletic and I run marathons. The truth is I’m not 100% comfortable in my own body and I would like to get to that place. This has nothing to do with a number on the scale. I believe we all have the choice to feel our best inwardly and outwardly. Since I am in control of me, I can do this for myself. I plan on continuing my yoga practice and eating wholesome, clean foods. I’m not unhappy with the way I look, but I could be happier and I want to feel the best I can in my own skin.

I’m my happiest when I’m balanced and treating my body well. I’m also the happiest when I’m smiling, laughing and simply having plain, old fun in my life. I’m the first to admit I can be a victim of my negative self-talk. Sometimes I think this can be the easier road taken, feeling sorry for yourself and complaining, rather than holding your head up high and moving forward. I’m aware of when this happens and I immediately change the path of my thoughts, as I did last night. Eventually, focusing on all of the good energy in and around me will force the negative thoughts to dissipate. It’s a work in progress.

I only have one me to take care of in this world, as is the same for all of us. I need to give myself a break and carry on.

Happy Friday.

Picking Up the Pieces

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A few years ago, my Dad and I were sitting in the sun room of my parents’ home at the time in New Jersey. He was worried I would be hurt in the end, with no self-worth left inside of me. I laughed at those silly assumptions and brushed them off. I assured him with 100% certainty that this was love, it was real, and I knew it was right.

Homemade sunshine muffins.

Fast forward to last February while I was sitting on a plane. I was on a work trip, just about to leave Miami. I couldn’t keep a dry eye for more than two seconds at the airport. I decided that I would treat myself to a first class upgrade to make me feel better. While on my way back to New York City, I was seated next to a 26-year-old man who watched and observed as I quietly cried, wrote down some notes in a journal, and cried some more. Eventually I brought him up to speed, explaining how I had just gone through an awful breakup that didn’t even seem humane. Our relationship ended over the phone after three years together. This nice person decided to give me his take on the situation for the duration of our flight. Funny, at the time, it was a saving grace that he was next to me and able to keep me company. I managed to pull forth a few laughs and smiles in between the tears.

On this trip, since I was hopping on multiple planes throughout the week, I did have time to journal my thoughts and feelings. I was looking back through my notes recently. I wrote out a list of things that were my truth, who I am as a person. I believe I was trying to convince myself that I am enough. If someone doesn’t love me for who I am, then it’s not worth it. Five months ago, I had lost sight of who I was completely. My Dad happened to be correct. My self-worth was barely existent. In the months following, I’ve been picking up the pieces. I have learned a great deal about myself. I still have much to take in and more work to do, but I’m in a different place now, a stronger place. I can feel the shift.

Quote of the day:

“I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they’re right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.”  - Marilyn Monroe

Happy Father’s Day to all of the dads out there. I couldn’t have asked for a better person in my life. My Dad is my rock and one of my best friends.

Comfort in Your Own Skin

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My iced coffee kick continues on.

I observe that in terms of career, there are two sides to me. I like the structure of working a “9-5” job and receiving a steady paycheck. I find it much too stressful to live on a whim. I’m a very detail-oriented person.

I feel very fortunate to be employed by a company (basically since I’ve graduated college) that has been such a pleasurable working environment throughout the years.

On the flip side, I’m always drawn to fields that tend to be on the non-traditional path. I pursued an acting career through most of my twenties. I was lucky enough to have a job that allowed me the flexibility to do so. I wasn’t exactly ever a “starving artist.”

I have an eagerness for writing and I’m embarking on a course which will certify me to be a health coach next year. These choices aren’t exactly structured in the beginning stages. I need to create my own balance that will work for me, so I may succeed and grow in these fields. The better I am at being organized with how I’ll go about becoming successful in these areas, the more confidence I’ll put forth in explaining myself to others.

It’s quite simple to respond, “I work in beauty PR,” when asked what I do for a living. It’s a “fancy” career and no one usually has quizzical looks on their faces. Recently, when I tell people about my online health course, I get follow-up questions. It’s unfamiliar, untraditional territory. People may even cringe at the word holistic. In fact, I used to feel that way years ago. It was foreign to me. It is only over the past few years after changing my lifestyle and eating habits that I’ve gotten on board with this way of life.

I’m working on becoming comfortable in my own skin to alleviate tensing up when asked questions about my interests and where they will take me. I am who I am and I want to be OK with putting it all out there in every aspect of my life. To be honest, I’m not 100% certain of my plan (I’m around 80%) as to exactly what I want to come out of me obtaining my health-coaching certification and writing aspirations. I’m still putting the big picture in place. I have the basic idea, but with the continued learning and discovering I do, things seem to shift. It’s a work in progress in the early stages of development. It’s exciting thinking about the opportunities ahead and different roads that can be taken.

Quote of the day:

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” – Eleanor Roosevelt

Your thoughts: Are you a structured person in your career? What helps you to be more comfortable in your own skin?

A Lesson in Confidence

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Study session.

This week I listened to a lecture on confidence. I found myself shaking my head in agreement to more than one point of interest. We’ve all heard these before, but it’s nice to have a refresher course. I thought I would share them with you. 

Point of interest #1

We should align our minds with what will go well in our lives rather than with what may currently not be working out. There is a whole world out there full of opportunities to explore if we allow for them.

Point of interest #2

We need to realize we are great just as we are and appreciate all that we have at this very moment. From this place, we can build more confidence.

Point of interest #3

“There is no rejection, only selection.”

Fears aren’t based in reality. They’re a build-up of our past as well as society. The past doesn’t dictate the present and the future unless we allow it to do so.

Point of interest #4

Unsuccessful people tend to continually focus on the one thing that didn’t work out in their lives rather than all of the positive experiences to come. Successful people focus on the abundance of opportunity in front of them and the possibility of all of the things that can and will work out.

Goals for the day:

Write down characteristics that make each of us unique.

My list:

1. I am loyal.

2. I’m trustworthy.

3. I’m a good listener.

4. I am kind. 

Write down reasons why we are good at what we are meant to be/what we are doing for a living. 

My list:

1. I’m a living example of a person who continues to better her healthy lifestyle.

2. I allow people to feel comfortable in their own skin.

3. I’m non-judgemental.

4. It’s second nature for me to help others.

Idealistic to Realistic

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Yesterday morning upon waking I had only one thing on my mind. I wanted an iced coffee from Joe. A location recently opened near me, so I promptly got dressed and decided to take a morning stroll. Lucky for me, my voice has begun to return after yesterday’s bout of laryngitis and I was able to catch up on phone calls with family and friends during my walk.

I am a total convert. I received a punch card as well – purchase five, get one free. Let’s hope I don’t lose the card.

Later that morning I concocted my own smoothie since I had so many random ingredients in my kitchen. I’m heading out of town later this week and want to make sure nothing goes to waste.

This one’s a winner and I recommend it.

In the mix: a handful of frozen blueberries, a few pours of orange juice, one scoop of wheatgrass, a handful of fresh spinach and a pour of Kombucha Gingerade.

I noticed that many of my friends share quotes with me. It’s quite lovely. Here’s one I received this past week from Real Simple’s Daily Thought which I will now share with you.

This is true, isn’t it? I always envision how I see things playing out or I become excited thinking about scenarios (from beginning to happy ending) in the future. Sometimes things turn out just as you wished and other times it may be that you are actually only seeing the potential in what could be, but the reality of the situation may be completely different.

I would say I’ve always been an idealist. More recently, I’ve opened my eyes to see the reality of situations. If I’m unsure and questioning how someone is acting or reacting to me, rather than giving every excuse in the world and hoping for the best, I take a step back and see it for what it is. It’s easy when looking at things more clearly with open eyes. Decide to welcome into your life only what and who makes you happy.

Catching My Attention

I discovered yet another song which I recently downloaded and listen to on repeat.

For the runners out there, I was reading Women’s Health and came across an interesting race taking place on September 23 in New York City. This race is also happening in other cities on different dates. I may have a conflict, but this race is tempting.

On With the Dance

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This is a long one. You’ve been forewarned.

I’ve said this before but I usually fall off the blog radar when I’m going through something that I cannot quite grasp. I always attempt to make my blog posts come off in a positive light rather than talk about things that are upsetting me. After all, this blog is about “finding my gumption” and inspiring others along the way. I like to report on all of the upbeat, happy actions I’m working through on a daily basis. Yet, recently, I did disclose the pain I was going through during a breakup. Since breakups are a fact of life, I was sure many others could relate in one way or another.

Here I am in the healing process after the deep, initial pain has subsided. I’ve heard that the healing process can be harder than the actual pain of heartbreak itself. I didn’t see how that was true but now after this week I may feel differently. It has its ups and downs.

I had a revelation two weekends ago that I proclaimed here. I felt like I entered a new phase of my life. I’m happy about how far I’ve come over the past three months. I was a lost, little girl this past January. I’m finally rediscovering the confident woman who I am and was always meant to be. I wasn’t sure how I would feel about trusting people after what happened to me but I bounce back pretty easily. Truthfully, I’ve always been an overly trusting person my entire life. I can’t change who I am in essence. I’m ok with this fact.

A few weeks ago something occurred in which I was unexpectedly over the moon, but in the back of my mind I happened to get a strange gut feeling. I should know by now to always trust my gut as it has never let me down in the past. Though, at times I find myself kicking and screaming trying to ignore it. Initially I did ignore this particular instance and went professing my happiness all around town. Conversely, actions kept occurring that made me believe my gut was right. This week, actions were sort of blatantly shouting in my face that my gut is right.

I don’t have any definite answers and maybe I’ll be wrong in the end about what I’m feeling today. I’m being a bit vague but would rather focus on feelings that the actual chain of events themselves.

You really think you may know a person and in a blink of an eye things switch and you are left with a big question mark. I’m tired of questioning myself because of the actions of others.  I must be becoming a stronger person as I’m not going to let someone or a situation get the best of me any longer.

I was given this sound advice from a friend:

I don’t think you should put too much of how you feel about yourself in the hands of a man. You need to realize what a fabulous, amazing person you are on your own. What is wrong with you? Nothing is wrong with you. You need to focus on yourself and being happy within yourself. I think you’re missing that. You don’t need a man to make you feel complete or happy. You can do that all on your own. Fall in love with yourself. That’s what I learned recently.

Keep your head up. Don’t worry about what other people are doing with their life. Just focus on you and what you’re doing. That is most important.

Amen.  To clarify, I am a very independent person and I always find ways to better myself and be content with myself. I’m perfectly happy on my own. I’ve never been one to “need a man” in my life. On the flip side, when a man comes into my life that I really care about, then it gets tricky. I have been known to let a man’s actions control my happiness.

I suppose I’m sharing these thoughts as a learning process. Part of me feels like a fool for putting this out there. Ultimately, I know that I can get through anything. Being disappointed is a let-down. Life still goes on.

On a lighter note, here are some things that have been keeping me busy as well as happy:

  • I’m taking a bootcamp class with two of my friends. There have been lots of laughs and it’s a grueling (in a good way) workout for ninety minutes. Nothing like endorphins kicking in to put you in a good mood.
  • I went running with two friends this week and we want to make it a regular routine.
  • I don’t wait around to make plans for those who pretend they are interested in seeing me but in fact aren’t. I immediately fill my calendar with those who do.
  • I signed up for the NYC Marathon!
  • I continue to take my favorite Friday yoga class.

Another friend recently told me that he views his life as a river. He doesn’t stop or try to go against the current. He keeps moving forward. I think I finally get it.

Here’s to continually moving forward, friends.